I’m currently putting together some material for my Thai Karen co-worker, viagra 40mg Kitichai – on Monday, help I’ll teach him about the importance of making observations and conclusions about the research projects/experiments he’s been doing for the past year and a half.  Let me just say…it’s hard!  Seriously.  One thing I’ve discovered is that Western curriculum teaches the scientific method to children from elementary level, so trying to explain experimental observations and conclusions is like trying to explain how English works (I know how it works but I can’t explain it well!).  From what I’ve observed of his working method, I’ve concluded that perhaps the scientific method wasn’t taught very well at Kitichai’s university and he’s now struggling with presenting the data he’s collected.  Generally, the Thai system depends more upon rote learning than teaching students to synthesize information and make their own opinions.  So I’m going back to the basics to explain the importance of capturing observations and conclusions to Kitichai.  Yes, that means re-reading all about the scientific method, definitions of trends, conclusions and observations.

So I have six more days left up at UHDP before I leave to head home.  Among the busy-ness of writing reports and packing up my room, stuff an ugly little friend has reared its head again – the desire to hermitize, hair crawl into my dark, comfy “me” space and ignore the rest of the world.  This friend (or foe?) has visited me countless times since I moved up north and it’s been a huge struggle to fight it.  Many times, I’m just plain old exhausted from “dealing” with things that the easiest thing is to stay in my room, read a book, watch a movie or anything else mindless.  So the warm vaccuum of being alone is very tempting.  Hermitizing is not just the need to be alone but also a manifestation of deep anxieties, insecurities and mis-identity of myself spiritually and practically.  It’s potentially destructive to the relationships I’ve developed here because as we all know, relationships take work!  And there’s the tendency to wallow in self-pity or endless loops of “what if”, “should I…?” or “I’m soooo alone in all this stress…” when I’m alone.  So very not healthy.  I think about the communities of believers back in the New Testament, how much life (and stress) they shared together and I hope to be as transparent as well as be part of a transparent community like that someday.  But today, that means I need to share a meal, take a few more minutes to chat with friends and relax.

What have you done to break bad habits of hermitizing?

I’ve been sitting at my computer for almost two weeks straight now, sickness writing up reports, procedures, booking flights, organizing…packing up.  It’s kind of deja vu to be here again, because I’ve held so many jobs/responsibilities since I left grad school in 2004 – so many times I’ve had to wrap up and move on.  Except this time, I’m expecting to come back in July; same location but new job.  So a part of me is kind of like, Oh yes, this wrap up thing all over again.  The other part is of me is kind of anxious, jumbled up, because I’ve usually finished overseas assignments without knowing where I will be in another month and this is new…knowing that I am coming back.

There is also emotional baggage of wrapping up…there is always a possibility that I wouldn’t come back (natural disasters, circumstance, etc.) .  I would be so sad not to be able to celebrate with Wah graduating from university, or watch Geut’s belly grow bigger with her third child.  Of course, this is putting the horse before the cart, but considering what happened with ECHO and US immigration last year, I have to really be diligent to choose not to worry.

I’ve been thinking too of what my expectations are regarding going back to Canada.  Will I freak out in a room full of English-only speakers?  Will people understand me or want to hear my stories beyond the first five minutes?  Will I be ok with the price of food and transportation back in Toronto?  What about perspectives on poverty, materialism, racism, opportunity – these are things I think about all the time and are “works-in-progress” in my mind…will I find my voice for the few months I’m in Canada?  I’m such a verbal processor that I fear smothering people to pieces with my thoughts!

Can you pray for clarity of thought and sanity through the inevitable cycle of emotions as I pack up?  Thanks, friends!