I’m in Bandung, sick Indonesia right now, posting from the canteen of Immanuel Hospital. My grandfather had a stroke a little over two weeks ago and I flew in from Chiang Mai on Friday morning. He’s progressing each day but has little to no movement on his left side. He has also been lying in bed, being fretted upon by nurses and relatives, every day – and he’s tired of being treated like “a doll”.
I’ve not really been physically close to my immediate family in Indonesia. We flew in every three or four years since I was 11 months, but it was difficult for me to establish bonds that I see in other people’s families. Now that I’m in Thailand, I pretty much jumped at the chance to go back to Indo even though I missed my brother’s birthday party in Bangkok. It’s funny though…I regress to being a little kid when I’m around my family. I have to keep reminding myself that I’m 31 this year and that I can make choices for myself and act accordingly. It feels a little…suffocating to be back here, as much as I’m really glad to see my grandpa. I don’t speak Bahasa Indonesia, nor do I have a way of getting around (you pretty much need a driver), and my relatives are all preoccupied with their own businesses.
On the other side of the coin, I’m happy to see my mom “in action” with her brothers and sisters, and to see that our family is organized: there is a schedule for all the aunties and uncles to visit my grandpa at the hospital, including sleeping over to keep him company. Today grandpa’s younger brother flew in from China with two other relatives. The younger one slipped into the bathroom to cry, and I welcomed the sight. I struggled to hold back the tears myself – not wanting to show vulnerability? – when I first saw Gong Gong Friday night. Sometimes Chinese folks are so practical to the point of pushing emotions away, when expressing them would be so much healthier.
Gong Gong seems to have his wits about him, but I’ve been told he is frustrated at being stuck to a bed. For as long as I’ve known him, he has taken walks in a stadium every morning, and visited his textiles factory. He used to also sit quietly with his right leg over his knee, and observe the comings and goings in the household, chuckling and smiling to himself at something that amused him. It’s been hard to see him in a hospital bed, one side paralyzed and not able to speak clearly.
Please pray for my grandfather’s health and spirit. And pray for my relatives here, who are balancing taking care of my grandfather and grandmother as well as running their own businesses.
