I’ve been sitting at my computer for almost two weeks straight now, sickness writing up reports, procedures, booking flights, organizing…packing up.  It’s kind of deja vu to be here again, because I’ve held so many jobs/responsibilities since I left grad school in 2004 – so many times I’ve had to wrap up and move on.  Except this time, I’m expecting to come back in July; same location but new job.  So a part of me is kind of like, Oh yes, this wrap up thing all over again.  The other part is of me is kind of anxious, jumbled up, because I’ve usually finished overseas assignments without knowing where I will be in another month and this is new…knowing that I am coming back.

There is also emotional baggage of wrapping up…there is always a possibility that I wouldn’t come back (natural disasters, circumstance, etc.) .  I would be so sad not to be able to celebrate with Wah graduating from university, or watch Geut’s belly grow bigger with her third child.  Of course, this is putting the horse before the cart, but considering what happened with ECHO and US immigration last year, I have to really be diligent to choose not to worry.

I’ve been thinking too of what my expectations are regarding going back to Canada.  Will I freak out in a room full of English-only speakers?  Will people understand me or want to hear my stories beyond the first five minutes?  Will I be ok with the price of food and transportation back in Toronto?  What about perspectives on poverty, materialism, racism, opportunity – these are things I think about all the time and are “works-in-progress” in my mind…will I find my voice for the few months I’m in Canada?  I’m such a verbal processor that I fear smothering people to pieces with my thoughts!

Can you pray for clarity of thought and sanity through the inevitable cycle of emotions as I pack up?  Thanks, friends!