Image by Quan Nguyen/Flickr

I was talking to a friend the other night who just moved to Africa, web about adjusting to life overseas.  We’re both not newbies at adjusting cross-culturally, pharm but it’s still difficult.  I mentioned to her that my “livelihood in northern Thailand depends on my relationships with the people I live with here”, in reference to the fact that I only have one co-worker who is North American and the rest of my relationships here are with people from ethnic minority tribes and don’t speak English as a first language nor are they used to western lifestyles.  These clashes often lead to misunderstandings, some comic, some not so much.

I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships the past couple of months and especially how easy it is to feel weary and downtrodden when I invest in my friends and loved ones, but they reject me or don’t respond they way I want them to (dang things called expectations!).  And how me feeling tired of trying can lead to my relationships being in some state of broken-ness.  It’s a slippery slope…I become so consumed with meeting my wants and needs (me! me! me!) and spend less and less time thinking of others.  Then I spend less time with others (because then I don’t have to go outside of my comfort zone or I’m angry at the way they treated me), which leads to not understanding where they’re at (because it’s easier to view people one-dimensionally than to empathize), which leads to me thinking I’m superior.  Which means that relationship is now in some state of broken-ness. 

I was listening to Tim Keller from Redeemer Church in Manhattan today, speaking about forgiveness.  He spoke about how if we harbour residual anger or desire revenge towards someone who has wronged us, we unknowingly allow these toxins to permeate and marinate ourselves with bitterness, cynicism.  Forgiveness is a sacrificial process, in which we empathize with the person who hurt us and give up the right to exact revenge on them.  This definitely goes against the grain of most cultures (tit for tat, right?) but it is the heart of the God that I believe in.

The relationships I have here in Thailand are precious to me, but it takes time to nurture and grow in them.  I’m easily hurt, deflated, weary and feel “ah, why the heck am I trying so hard?” often (more than I want to admit).  Lately, I’m learning I play a large part in marinating myself in bitterness and cynicism towards others when I’m hurt and emotionally deflated, and that it is a factor in the state of broken-ness of some of my relationships…Some local friends have literally stewed themselves in their own angry toxins for years.  However, I’m a firm believer that people can change and that redemption and grace are beautiful and REAL things.  Step by slow step, I’m crossing that bridge from head knowledge to making these things really part of my life.